Dream job

Over a month ago, I had my 1st neighbour catch up in our complex which I think I got the ball rolling but NEVER ended up organising for it to follow through.

Anyway, that is not the point.  The point is.....
During that gathering, we talked about whether we're happy with our jobs.
And being a true public servant, I said NO, but it pays the bills.

I was then asked "if you quit your job now to follow your dream, what would it be"??

Hmm...when I was growing up, I wanted to become a teacher.  I guess part of the reason is that I'm shy and being a teacher means you have to stand up in front of people and speak.  Well, turns out I don't like ANYTHING to do with studying, so there goes that career aspiration.

But it didn't take me long to think of my ultimate dream job.  (Helps when you take alcohol, you can speak your mind wayyyyyy quicker)

I have always liked interior design and real estate.
My dream would be able to build a house/apartment and then do the interior design, the complete package.  OK, maybe not build it myself literally....but developing the plans for the layout of the house is what I meant.  I never got a chance to follow through with that dream when I was little.

I wanted to take in primary school Graphics Design, which would've lead me down the path of interior design.  But noooooo, going to an all girls school, I was the only one interested in this subject hence it was cancelled and not offered at all.  Was told when I selected that subject "why would you want to do that?  That is such a boy's subject!?!?!"  I mean, WTF!!!!!  So that was my first hold back towards my dream.

Once I finished high school, I wanted to get a degree in Real Estate (still trying to realise my childhood dream) but it was a course offered in Gatton.  To be honest, I wanted this degree not because of the course content of land survey etc, but I wanted it for the network connections.  My parents said NO, you aren't leaving home for that.  So that was once again another set back.

Ever since those 2 incidents, I have never really got a chance to even go anywhere close to my dream.  I still remember as a kid, I use to draw a lot of houses, of what they would look like from the outside.  I think I knew since then, it would be my calling......but it was never meant to be.

For this dream to EVER come true, I would probably need to win the Lottery big time.  You definitely need loads of $$$ for this dream of mine to ever get a kick start.

So I'm thinking this is one thing I'll never get to complete....unless my lucky stars shine brightly on me and give me a BIG ASS LOTTERY WIN. (hint hint lucky stars)

Back to the starting point of this post, I would like to thank Dan & Kellie (Esp Dan for asking the question) cos I put this dream of mine at the back of my mind, buried so deep that I kinda forgot about it.  We all need to bring out our ultimate dreams once in awhile just to make us feel we have something to live for....even if it's a dream that you know there is no way on this planet earth it can be achieved. (I'm hinting at you again lucky stars....only you can help me!!)

Hope & Fate

 

and that’s why you don’t go around fixing people

and that’s why you don’t give up pieces of yourself to make someone else whole

We do this more than we think. Sometimes we reject those who have helped us the most. 

----------

But sometimes........................

it may take time but there is someone waiting to hold your hand

For someone else to come along and love you for who you truly are.

Hang in there....there is something call "Hope" and "Fate"

One way crush

To be honest, I have found myself having a crush on someone lately. And trying very hard to keep it under wraps and not letting them find out, I am using every ounce of self control I have.

Reason for the self control and not wanting them to find out is that I don't want to lose a friend in that person.  Feelings are definitely getting stronger and stronger, I really don't know how much willpower I have left in me to control my feelings.

I find that I'm starting to act strange around them, and everything I do, I am doing it to please them.  I am actually driving myself crazy over this one.  I somehow hope this is just a crush phase and it'll be over soon....as I know the feelings will not be returned.

Silly, silly me.  Should've learnt from the past.

30/5/14 - Neighbour gathering #1

Had an absolutely awesome night just drinking and talking to my neighbours Kellie & Dan. 

Time really did fly.

Rocked up at 7pm and before I know, it was already 10pm. 
We talked about a range of different things....and here I was thinking I'm not a very socialable person...how is this night going to go??
I do believe I (oops) was the one talking the most.  I need to watch that for next time when we have another one of these. 

Dan left around midnite and I stayed for a little bit longer chatting with Kellie for a bit. 
It was finally a wrap just a little bit after 1am-ish.  I have really gotta say time really flied when you're having a good time.

I think I have actually found 2 total strangers who I'll become good friends with in the end.

And hey, to top it of, I got 2 hugs  :)

Personal secret

A little secret I'm about to spill about me.

Actually, this makes me kinda weird and looks like a stalker.

My sense of smell is ultra sensitive, I can even smell when people are about to get sick prior to them actually getting sick. (Yes, its kinda disguesting I know)

But my main issue is when men wear COOL WATERS by Davidoff.  Not only does it drives my nose insane, it drives my head insane.  It affects me so badly that sometimes I lose control and starts following that unknown stranger.  Which kinda puts me in the stalker category.  

I have no idea why this happens, maybe my head is thinking if it smells good, follow it.  Lucky no one have an AVO against me for stalking...yet.

So guys, if you want to get my attention, you know what cologne to wear.

Food poisioning is gonna ruin my weekend.

Totally looking forward to my neighbours catch up tonight. Oh waut, maybe I'm looking forward to it for the drinking.

But the shit thing is that I'm still suffering from my bout if food poisoning from ny work trip last week.  Not good, not good. Especially when I have been unable to down much food and keep it in throughout the last week.

How am I suppose to have food in my system to soak up the alcohol???  Trust work to ruin my weekend of fun :/

Patience level of mine

My patience with certain people are definitely wearing thin.
I dislike people who do not listen to advise, sit there and complain for the next 30 mins....what is that going to achieve by complaining??  In the end, you did exactly the same as what I've advised you 30 mins ago.  I mean...seriously....that is 30 mins of wasted time you'll never get back in your life and 30 mins worth of nearly getting a punch in the head by me.

Unfortunately I have a high tolerance and patience level.  Otherwise, I'd  definitely punch them all in the head.

I should really just pretend I can't hear them...right?

OTP

I have been watching so much TV series lately that I have so many ships I support, it's spiralling out of control.

Now, some people have no idea what OTP stands for...so here it is:  One True Pairing.  Meaning the your favorite combination of characters in a fandom.

When I went through all the ships I support, I realised they are nearly all female couples?!?!  Not sure why....but I totally support them.

Maybe I think love is love, doesn't matter if its male & female; male & male or female & female.  You love a person for who they are...and I totally stick by that (and also being a female, I stick by females).

So here are some of the ships I totally support currently (and also in the past)

*  Clarina (Clara & Marina - Em Familia)
*  Karmy (Karma & Amy - Faking It)
*  Emaya (Emily & Maya - Pretty Little Liars)
*  Emison (Emily & Alison - Pretty Little Liars)
*  Haleb (Hanna & Caleb - Pretty Little Liars)
*  Calzona (Callie & Arizona - Grey's Anatomy)
*  Jolex (Jo & Alex - Grey's Anatomy)
*  Golly (Gail & Holly - Rookie Blue)
*  Sharmen (Shane & Carmen - L Word)
*  Marbecca (Marlene & Rebecca - Verbotene Liebe)


I'm sure there is more, but these are the ones off the top of my head

Some things from the past just make you stronger

I was recently tidying (that is not often either!!!)

I found a note from a friend who I no longer talked to....due to a breakdown in our friendship.
The note definitely brought back a lot of memories of our friendship...all the good times.
Then I paused.........I thought to myself, why am I keeping this?  Shouldn't I throw it out??
I put it in the pile of other things I was going to throw out....but after the 5 minutes, I picked up the note and put it back in the drawer.
Not sure why I did that.  The friendship broke down due to betrayal, it caused me a lot of pain for this friendship to go down the drain.  But part of me still want to keep so of the memories.  Maybe because of this broken friendship, it made me stronger.
And through my hurt of this broken friendship to others, I found out who I can turn to for advice and who are my real friends.

Being myself

Maybe, just maybe I should learn to be truthful.  At least to myself. 

I know I have been fighting all along who or what I am.  Maybe this is the only way to protect myself.  But unfortunately I think I am getting to the point that I am tired of the inner fighting.

I have watched something and loved a line "we all love you for who you are because you are you, we will not love you any less just because you are different or choose to be different"

I think I have known all along who I am, it's not that I care what people think, I actually care how they will act.

I remember my first crush.  Its just everything, made me feel free.  But then I had to think for them, how their family will feel, how they will react.  So I distance myself.  Its better if its just me that is hurt, cos they can go on with their life without the pain and knowing the truth.

My 2nd crush is one I fought for the hardest.  I knew from the start it wasn't meant to be, but I was there for them everytime they needed me.  I dropped everything so that when they call, I'll be there.  I even thought of moving back to HK just to be with them. Like I said, it's not meant to be. Maybe I was used for the support, the feeling was not mutual. I do however enjoyed the 1day and 1night I spent with them.  Although this person do not have the same feelings for me, they did however see through me. This person left me with 2 songs, said it fitted me perfectly.  And yes, I think it was their way of telling me who or what I am.  They do sense I am very insecure with myself, hence I did not trust anyone. I am still hoping they will change their feelings for me, but I think that ship have truly sail....long gone.

These are the 2 crushes of my life.  All the others I treat as friends or flings and nothing more. 

I am still very bitter between what happened between me and 1 other person.  Rumours hurt friendship and a rumour really killed this friendship.  I don't often open up to people, cos I'm very insecure.  But for once that I do, it ends up being thrown back in my face.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so nice to all my friends.  I get taken for granted too often and I have to hide all my pain. Maybe I should follow the line "perhaps for once you have to look after yourself and not everyone else".

So who am I or what am I??  

A person who treats people around me better than I treat myself.  I keep thinking that if everyone around me is happy, so would I.  But I don't think this is the case.  I think for once I should be me, do what I want, be with someone who loves me for who I am instead of just using me.

I am really sick of fighting myself to be nice to myself.  Perhaps for once I should be selfish and treat myself the way I treat others.

I just want to be ME!!!

Everyone needs good neighbours :)

Well, I have always like this neighbour of mine....cos she is really nice.
After a long day and nearly committing road rage whilst driving home from work in peak hour traffic, found a lovely gift awaiting for me outside my door.

This surprise was due to the fact I have observed and got to know when her birthday is.  I noticed last year she had birthday balloons delivered and was sitting in her garage on 18/4, so I was pretty sure her bday was that day.  But this year I was stumped cos the balloons were in her garage on 17/4.  But lucky I had already brought her her surprise bday gift.  It wasn't anything big, just some candles with displays in them.

She came up and thanked me afterwards, she was so shocked at how observant I am.  (I did put in my card that I'm not a stalker, I just noticed it as I walk pass her garage)

Anyway, it's good to know we treat each other so good.

I just went downstairs to thank her before, and said we really need to have a drink.  (hahahaha)
She asked me what I'm doing tomorrow night, unfortunately before she told me what was happening, I had to declined due to the fact I'm working OT on Saturday, can't drink or stay out late.  She invited me to tag along with her to a "Singles night" which she was set up.  HAHAHA.  Maybe another time...maybe.

And I think after last year's Xmas how I said I'll try and make an effort for this yr's Xmas pressie to her.  I think I have come up with something that is pretty darn good  :)

Million pieces

Oh gosh.  Staying for a week in the city at my sister's place, babysitting her son.  The babysitting isn't the hard part. The hard part is everytime I look out the window and see the Hilton Hotel.

I still remember the memories as like it was yesterday.  Memory of the 'love' that got away.  To this day, I still think of you.  To be honest, I can't forget you. With you, I was truly myself, I didn't care....nor did I pretend and put up concrete walls.

Seeing the Hilton Hotel makes me sad, as I remember giving you the goodbye hug, watching you leave and feeling my heart break into a million pieces.  To this day, I still have not recovered from that heartbreak.  Nor have anyone stolen any pieces of my heart like you did.

Just being me

I had a few people now say to me that I think too much and notice too much about them. Things that they might seem irrevelant, yet I have found room in my heart to care or even take notice and remember it. 

Its nice when these people acknowledge it.  Cos yes, I do put my heart & soul into people I care about. Even when it look like I don't seem to care or don't say much. Actions and thoughtfulness speaks louder than words for sure.

Which sometimes brings me back to "why do I bother sometimes". "Why do I notice so much and have room for others yet don't have room for myself??"  

I think sometimes I should really be selfish and just think about myself as some people think I'm weird. 

But I guess when its acknowledged, it makes it all worthwhile.  Maybe there are just somethings about me that I should never change.

I am blogging this especially after having a little chat with my neighbour Kellie. She was shocked to learn I noticed things about her, yet we only bump into each other like twice a year.  Thanks for the thought in gettig this year's Xmas gift. I need to up my ante next year and think of something different to get you for next year.