Being myself

Maybe, just maybe I should learn to be truthful.  At least to myself. 

I know I have been fighting all along who or what I am.  Maybe this is the only way to protect myself.  But unfortunately I think I am getting to the point that I am tired of the inner fighting.

I have watched something and loved a line "we all love you for who you are because you are you, we will not love you any less just because you are different or choose to be different"

I think I have known all along who I am, it's not that I care what people think, I actually care how they will act.

I remember my first crush.  Its just everything, made me feel free.  But then I had to think for them, how their family will feel, how they will react.  So I distance myself.  Its better if its just me that is hurt, cos they can go on with their life without the pain and knowing the truth.

My 2nd crush is one I fought for the hardest.  I knew from the start it wasn't meant to be, but I was there for them everytime they needed me.  I dropped everything so that when they call, I'll be there.  I even thought of moving back to HK just to be with them. Like I said, it's not meant to be. Maybe I was used for the support, the feeling was not mutual. I do however enjoyed the 1day and 1night I spent with them.  Although this person do not have the same feelings for me, they did however see through me. This person left me with 2 songs, said it fitted me perfectly.  And yes, I think it was their way of telling me who or what I am.  They do sense I am very insecure with myself, hence I did not trust anyone. I am still hoping they will change their feelings for me, but I think that ship have truly sail....long gone.

These are the 2 crushes of my life.  All the others I treat as friends or flings and nothing more. 

I am still very bitter between what happened between me and 1 other person.  Rumours hurt friendship and a rumour really killed this friendship.  I don't often open up to people, cos I'm very insecure.  But for once that I do, it ends up being thrown back in my face.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so nice to all my friends.  I get taken for granted too often and I have to hide all my pain. Maybe I should follow the line "perhaps for once you have to look after yourself and not everyone else".

So who am I or what am I??  

A person who treats people around me better than I treat myself.  I keep thinking that if everyone around me is happy, so would I.  But I don't think this is the case.  I think for once I should be me, do what I want, be with someone who loves me for who I am instead of just using me.

I am really sick of fighting myself to be nice to myself.  Perhaps for once I should be selfish and treat myself the way I treat others.

I just want to be ME!!!

25/05/14 - Thought of the Day

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

 

25/05/14 - Pic of the Day

PIC OF THE DAY

Don't you just love auto correct? 

Everyone needs good neighbours :)

Well, I have always like this neighbour of mine....cos she is really nice.
After a long day and nearly committing road rage whilst driving home from work in peak hour traffic, found a lovely gift awaiting for me outside my door.

This surprise was due to the fact I have observed and got to know when her birthday is.  I noticed last year she had birthday balloons delivered and was sitting in her garage on 18/4, so I was pretty sure her bday was that day.  But this year I was stumped cos the balloons were in her garage on 17/4.  But lucky I had already brought her her surprise bday gift.  It wasn't anything big, just some candles with displays in them.

She came up and thanked me afterwards, she was so shocked at how observant I am.  (I did put in my card that I'm not a stalker, I just noticed it as I walk pass her garage)

Anyway, it's good to know we treat each other so good.

I just went downstairs to thank her before, and said we really need to have a drink.  (hahahaha)
She asked me what I'm doing tomorrow night, unfortunately before she told me what was happening, I had to declined due to the fact I'm working OT on Saturday, can't drink or stay out late.  She invited me to tag along with her to a "Singles night" which she was set up.  HAHAHA.  Maybe another time...maybe.

And I think after last year's Xmas how I said I'll try and make an effort for this yr's Xmas pressie to her.  I think I have come up with something that is pretty darn good  :)

Man Crush - Ryan Reynolds

It's man crush time.  Had previously posted some girl crush....so better even out the ledger.

My man crush goes to.................RYAN REYNOLDS

First time I saw this guy was in Green Lantern, and already I thought he was HOT!!!
Then watched "The Proposal"....that just confirm how hot he is.  Eye Candy!!!

Emaya

I was kinda happy with the way Emily dealt with Paige (#Paily).  Paige had never really been to my liking.  Her character never appeals to me for the reason that I don’t think she have the same chemistry on-screen as Maya does with Emily.  Paige looks like a character that will go stalker crazy.  If she’s in Season 5, I think that’s what she’ll be like.  Stalking Emily like crazy.  My theory is that she is on the A Team.  But that’s just me thinking it….(maybe cos I dun like her?!)

Now I’m sure everyone out there is rooting for #Emison.  I’m not quite sure why, not like they were really together to begin with.  Maybe the mystery that surrounds Alison & Emily is why people are so intrigued with this ship??  For me, I think it’s the fact that you never forget your first love, no matter how badly they treated you or how it ended.  There will also be something deep down for your 1^st love that you can’t erase.

With #Emaya, I definitely love this ship.  It was special.  Maya was the one who totally brought Emily “Out” and let her be comfortable in her own skin.  Plus their on-screen chemistry is sizzling (can’t deny that fact).  It was ashame how this all ended with the writers writing Maya out.  Can she come back to life just like Alison??

Now with season 5 only 40+ days away, already in the news is a new character "Sydney".  We're not sure yet as to whether she is Emily's friend or"friend"....but I am still an #Emaya shipper.

Million pieces

Oh gosh.  Staying for a week in the city at my sister's place, babysitting her son.  The babysitting isn't the hard part. The hard part is everytime I look out the window and see the Hilton Hotel.

I still remember the memories as like it was yesterday.  Memory of the 'love' that got away.  To this day, I still think of you.  To be honest, I can't forget you. With you, I was truly myself, I didn't care....nor did I pretend and put up concrete walls.

Seeing the Hilton Hotel makes me sad, as I remember giving you the goodbye hug, watching you leave and feeling my heart break into a million pieces.  To this day, I still have not recovered from that heartbreak.  Nor have anyone stolen any pieces of my heart like you did.

Next Holiday

So, I just checked my leave balance recently.  By June, I would have 45 days of annual leave up my sleeve. 

Think I need to start planning on taking some leave soon, before they hound me about my excess leave balance....blah blah blah, yada yada yada.  Only problem is that I have nothing really planned for this year.  Have the leave, have the money & time.....but nowhere planned to go.  Even if I do want to go to places, I have no one to go with.  Its hard trying to organise trips with friends.   Cos you might have the time & leave, but that doesn't mean that they have it too.

My work twin suggested me the other day (when I mentioned I have never been to Philippines before) that I should visit it and go to Boracays.  That got me excited and interested for sure.  If I go,I wouldn't mind going and making a quick stopover in Manilia as well.  Heard the seafod there is really, really good.

Friends...what/who are they?

I read or saw something recently (gosh, I can't even remember where I saw it...but it made me think.

Who are your friends?
What does "friends" mean??

The line that hit me the most is:
"You know people....lots of them, but how many of those knows you truly??  Those who knows you inside out are who you call 'Friends', those who knows little bits about you are just people who are in your life"

It really, really made me think.  I have a group of friends, but I think I need to downgrade them to "people I know" cos quite recently I realised they know nothing about me.

Maybe seriously just 1 person in this world knows me more than others....that is why I consider her my best friend.  Some others are getting close to the friends status....but more work is required.

17/02/14 Bday

How did I cecebrate for getting another year older today???  

Started off the day by waking up early....even though I had the day off.  Stupid body clock, won't even let me sleep in.

Then my sister came from Melbourne, borrowed my car for the week...but did wish me a Happy Bday along with her friends.

Relaxed and chilled out at home for a while with my cat.  My poor little have been missing me so much since I've been doing overtime.  I think he's afraid that I'm gonna leave him behind.  Today was a good day to spend some time with his cos he gave me plenty of kisses  :)

Went out and had my favorite ramen.  Maybe the only time I like showing my driviers license around....cos I get a free ramen for my bday.  Even better!!!

Dinner had with my sister, lobster.  The lobster was ok...but won't have it again.  Too much work for so little food.  -_-

Anyhoo....bday wishes for this year.  Hmmmm.....well, it'd be AWESOME if I get a bday tweet, esp from Shay Mitchell.  But I'm just a number within her millions of followers...sigh, so I'm not getting my hopes too far up for that.

No special bday wish....well, maybe there is....but I'm not gonna make it public for sure.

That's another year.  Older, but not sure if I'm any wiser.

My fav ramen....and it's free cos it's my BDAY~~~

Have to have a cake for Bday, and yes...my fav Mango Mousse Cake

Dinner....lobster.

Oops....lazy!!

Oh gosh, I have been a lazy fuck since going on holidays in late December.  (Or "vacation" as I've learnt that's what you're suppose to say if you're American).

Anyway, Valentines Days have pass...same old same old.  Spent the day by myself.  Only remotely romantic thing I did for myself was turn on these LED flower lights.  A few of these sit on top of my monitor....just cos they can!!!  Hard to be "romantic" when you've been single for so god damn long. 

Dunno what is really happening this year.  I used to be really hard working, and will do all overtime available.  Over the last 2 yrs, I just didn't care and refuse to do overtime.

This yr, I am actually surprising myself by the amount of overtime I'm planning to do.  If I do all the overtime I have planned up til end of June, I should pocket an extra $10k after tax.  Sounds good, but this is the 3rd week and I'm really starting to feel the effects of it.  I'm tired as hell....but I want that extra $10K.  Don't you all sometimes that you're so rich you don't need to worry about anything to do with money??  No need to work, have a nice place...all built and decorate how you like it without the restriction of the word & value of "Money".  I am still having that dream everyday that perhaps someone, somewhere is looking down on me and giving me some luck to fulfil my dream.

Aiiii......am I daydreaming again??  I think that is cos my brain is switching off from too much OT.  Better prepare myself for bed.

2014 - Year of the Horse...Happy Chinese New Year.

恭喜發財, 新年快樂.
祝大家: 心想事成, 身體健康....馬年行大運~~~
Happy Chinese New Year~~~

27/01/14 - Thought of the Day

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

25/01/14 - Pic of the Day

PIC OF THE DAY

WHY WAIT???  TIME DOESN'T STOP FOR YOU UNTIL YOU FIND THAT PERFECT MOMENT TO ACTION. JUST DO IT!!

Happy 4th Birthday

Today is this little guy's 4th birthday. Unfortunately he's stuck in the cattery whilst I'm enjoying myself in HK.

Promise I'll make it up to him when I get back.

Love you heaps baby

The year that was 2013...

2013....what was achieved??

Thinking back....
*  had a few spanish lessons (ok, I gave up after a few, but I did make an effort!!!)
*  finally got inked (tattoo)
*  finally fulfilled my dream of going to HK Coliseum for a concert.  This is as electric as what I've expected.  Although I never dreamed I'll ever go and watch a Joey Yung concert (even though I think she got some great songs)....the atmosphere was definitely one to savour.  What makes this even better that I went on NYE, countdown to 2014 with 10000+ people.  Joey was right, she was nervous and have no idea what to really do for the count down.  I think Sammi would definitely be better for the countdown.
*  watching more English TV series.  Best thing I've watched is Pretty Little Liars; Rizzoli & Isles, Person Of Interest; Grey's Anatomy.
*  Have increased my celebrity crushes.....hahahaha!!!!

2013....what I hated the most??
*  back to an APS4 from acting APS5.  OK, I know I might not b the best, perhaps cos I'm an easy pushover and take on a bit more than what I can handle....but in 2014, I'm gonna make an effort to ook for other positions outside of BI.
*  Losing touch with some friends.  Dunno why I have lost touch with some people.  Maybe I am deeming them irrevelant in my life now.

These are the ones that stand out for the year.  I'm sure there is more yet I can't think of what they are yet.

06/01/14 - Thought of the Day

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

20 Things to Stop Doing to Others

There is one key factor that can either damage your relationships or deepen them.  That factor is your attitude.  If you’re hoping to grow and maintain positive relationships in your life, read on.  Below you will find a 20 step attitude adjustment guaranteed to help you do just that.

1. Stop holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
2. Stop complaining. – Instead, use your time and energy to do something about it.
3. Stop meaning what you don’t say. – People can’t read minds.  Communicate regularly and effectively.
4. Stop making it all about you. – The world revolves around the sun, not you. Take a moment to acknowledge this truth on a regular basis.
5. Stop lying. – In the long-run the truth always reveals itself.  Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
6. Stop blaming.  – Blaming others accomplishes nothing.  Either you own your problems, or they will own you.  Your choice.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give-up your power over that part of your life, and you annoy everyone around you in the process.
7. Stop doubting. – If you think that you can’t achieve something, I have some news for you, you’re probably right.  But don’t let your self-doubt interfere with other people’s dreams.  Remember, the one who says it can’t be done should never interrupt the one doing it.  (Read Unstoppable.)
8. Stop interrupting. – Correcting someone when they’re blatantly wrong is one thing, but always interjecting your opinions out of turn gets old fast.
9. Stop being selfish. – You get what you put into a relationship.  Nothing less, nothing more.
10. Stop judging. – Everyone is fighting their own unique war. You have no clue what they are going through, just like they have no clue what you’re going through.
11. Stop gossiping. – Gossiping about others is a lose/lose situation.  It hurts them, and then it hurts your reputation.
12. Stop making promises you can’t keep. – Don’t over-promise.  Over-deliver on everything you do.
13. Stop being defensive. – Just because someone sees something differently than you doesn’t mean either one of you is wrong.  Keep an open mind.  Open minds discover great things.
14. Stop comparing people to others. – No two people are alike.  Everyone has their own strengths.  We are only competing against our own selves.
15. Stop expecting people to be perfect. – ‘Perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’  And genuine ‘goodness’ is hard to find in this world.  Don’t overlook it.
16. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – It’s impossible.  But making one person smile can change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
17. Stop screwing people over just because you can get away with it. – Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it.  Think bigger.  Do what you know in your heart is right.  (Read Life’s Greatest Lessons.)
18. Stop making mountains out of molehills. – People make mistakes.  Crap happens.  There’s no reason to stress out yourself and everyone around you because of it.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
19. Stop being dramatic. – Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.
20. Stop giving out advice, and just listen. – Less advice is often the best advice.  People don’t need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement.  What they want to know is already somewhere inside of them.  They just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help them find their direction.

And remember, your relationship with yourself is the closest and most important relationship you will ever have.  So pay attention to it, develop it, nurture it, and never, ever stop.

Link to original article

2014 New Years HK

2014.  What better way than to be memorised by the city of lights.  Went to Tsim Sha Tsui tonight to take a 2014 pic before they take the lights down.

Gotta love this city

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014

HAPPY NEW YEAR

What better way to start the New Year than Shay Mitchell greeting us all??
Hope everyone do have a great New Year and a fantastic 2014.

I'm currently in Hong Kong so sending my love from HK to all my friends, family and even those that I don't know.

And New Years resolutions??  I have no idea what they are yet.  Cos every year I made resolutions, I never stick to them.  I rather work on them as I go along in the year.  Alrite, maybe I do know one thing I want to do in 2014, and I'm hoping to get that done by perhaps mid 2014.  I might already be setting myself up for failure.  But who knows, miracles might happen....maybe 2014 will be the year of miracles.